To live the dream or not to? Back in July – at a moment, within a second, my whole life changed. One morning I woke up, and worked a normal day when everything suddenly changed. I felt like I’ve lost my whole life, but what really changed was the situation I was in.
My thoughts, my attitude and my appreciation of my own life. I used to appreciate all the little things in life and then suddenly they seemed just meaningless. Surrounded by hopelessness, my only thought is to change my life completely. A job offer from the Dominican Republic comes in and I fly determined, careless and full of joy across the Atlantic only to find the job offer to disappear like sand in the wind.
Coming back to Germany I am still convinced though that my new life still should start there. So two month later I am flying back to the Dominican Republic. However everything is different than I thought. But why?
Sometimes you want something with all your might and it simply doesn’t happen. It’s not your heart which gets you something but only your past actions.
Being back in the Dominican Republic, all people seem to be happy on outside, but I can feel that deep in their hearts they are full of grief and sorrow. If you take a closer look, you can see behind the facade and glimpse at the reality. The fears, the different kinds of annoyances, the fundamental oppressive insecurity, there is loneliness, suffering from loved ones and deep unprocessed anger in people’s souls. Somehow I try to help – but I realise that first I need to work on my own ‘problems’ and fall through all the negative energies and experience around me in an even deeper hole which leaves me hopeless.
I feel like the kite, which has been struggling to fly but suddenly all the wind stops and I am tumbling towards the ground.
I spent many days and hours talking to my family and friends. I feel blessed to have these people in my life who provide me with such strong support, especially in these dire times. They understand my past, believe in my future and simply accept me as I am. They are always there for me when I need them and for the first time in my life I realised what family and true friendship really means! They gave me so much encouragement!
Through them and the reflection I also realised again who I really am, what my own strengths are and how I perceive myself and the world.
And this is where I had found myself again.
For the first time in my live, I perceive things that have shaped me more consciously. The things and situations, which were part of everyday for me back in Germany before.
Now I know that there is more than just everyday life and I appreciate all the little things. Like every single snowflake, the warmth in the house after the snowstorm, the mulled wine, the cordial and friendly nature of my fellows. And who would believe it, also to opportunity to work again. I know now all at once, that so far away from home I was allowed to learn again to appreciate it.
I have learned that it is no longer possible to run away from your open tasks, it is not possible to displace them and postpone them in your diary. Because they will come up again and again, will stick around in the back of your head until you finally bring up the attention, recognise and resolve them.
Also I realised that when negative impulses rise within me, that it gives me a chance to assess them and every time I actively deal with them they will become smaller with each time. Fear itself is the hardest exam in life and I am learning to understand and work through it bit by bit in my life.
Sometimes you go traveling, encountering people and situations in order to recognise your true self, to recognise love and appreciation. It is a state of mind, and sometimes all you really need to do is to take some time for yourself. Listen to your body and soul to find your inner-peace again.
Although this experience was not always easy, I am grateful for it as I have emerged stronger and more in harmony with myself. All this is shaping our every day lives, showing who we are and what we will become.
Only you are in the position to make changes to your life. It is yours alone and your decision who you are, who you are going to be and what you will do with a situation, a person, an encounter or an experience.
Decide and navigate your own life to your success.